Dubai & Home sweet home

I arrived home yesterday afternoon after a 14 hour flight and headed straight to Times Square for dinner with my family and Oscar.

In mid-flight I wrote this:

I'm actually starting to freak out about heading home, not a good thing to do when you're by yourself on a 14 hour flight. Since leaving Uganda I can't seem to stop myself from looking at pictures of the kids, which precipitates tears, because I should have been there when they woke up this morning, I should be planning activities for them this afternoon and playing with them right now. Living there really became 'normal' life for me. It wasn't a vacation, nor a quick volunteer experience, it was every day of my life for 3 months.

Two things are not helping my emotional state (besides the fact that I've slept maybe 9 hours in the past two nights combined):

1. Reading Wrecked is actually making me realize that I've gone on this trip, I've left my comfort zone and I don't know if going back to my old job, my old house, my old everything is going to work for me. And if it doesn't work for me, then I don't have any clue what my alternative is. Or was this just a 3 month repasse from my life because I knew there was more than 9 to 5 and wanted to seek some adventure, some sense of purpose, but I sought it, found it and will go back to my 9 to 5 to continue on. Or, if I want my life to mean something, if I want to do all I can to help others, then how can I even go back to life as it was.

2. I clicked on the favorites on the headset in front of me and the only song selected as a favorite by a previous passenger is Amazing Grace. Not only is it a beautiful song full of meaningful lyrics, but it's the song I sing to the kids every night at bedtime.

I was distracted in Dubai by my dear friend and her new baby, but that distraction is gone and my reality has set in. I am going home; but what am I going to make of it, how am I going to use this trip to change my regular 9 to 5 experience...time will only tell.

Thanks for joining me in the last 3 months of my life. It's been quite an adventure.
If you are interested in having me discuss my mission experience at your church, please email me at Laurabev@aol.com and I'd be happy to set something up in the coming weeks.

Many blessings to you and yours this Christmas season.

　

Saying good-bye & getting wrecked

After a fitful night of sleep I awoke before 7 to finish packing my bags and make sure I was ready for the day. I took a walk to buy eggs one last time for the children's breakfast and came back to help ready them for the day. I still helped with breakfast and cleaning as I usually do and kept things normal. But at 11 I asked Auntie Cassady to take a few photos and then I had a treat for everyone.

Two weeks ago I took all the toilet paper rolls I had been saving and decorated them with colorful sharpie markers: flowers for the girls, big circles for the boys and stars for the staff. Then I wrote each person a letter and rolled it up inside the t.p. roll; something I love about them, something they should keep working on, and how much I love them. I stuffed a chocolate and some hard candy inside and then wrapped it in wrapping paper and tied the ends so it looked like a candy; my last sweeties for them.

The tears began as I read Annet what I wrote for her. Luckily I quickly recovered from crying, Annet has been super emotional over not being visited by any family members and then from Auntie Jo leaving the other night, I didn't want to precipitate any more tears. Then after the excitement of the sweeties, they all stretched out their hands and Annet prayed for me and my journey and then Auntie Esther elaborated, and I had a few more tears. Auntie Monica had many tears, and beautiful words for me that Auntie Sarah translated. Then dear Annet began to bawl, then Oscar started in and finally Cocus. Annet was still crying as I left, poor baby girl (and that is my nickname for her, 'baby girl').

The whole good-bye process took an hour. And at 12:10 it was time to go. The van didn't start, the battery was dead; 'God are you telling me to stay?', I thought. But quickly we got it jumped and again, it was good-bye. The traffic was horrific, it took us 40 minutes to go 6 km and again I thought, 'God are you telling me to stay?'. But with only a few minutes to spare I made it through all security measures and boarded the plane immediately.

Maybe I'll be back one day.

On my way home I'm reading Wrecked again, as I did on my way to Uganda. Although I'm grateful to hear the words that I've done so much, I think about the babies at Sanyu that still don't have a mommy to love them, to our children at Rafiki who only have aunties and uncles, to the street kids who mostly will remain that way. Wrecked says, "In a world that refuses to be healed, we must face the fact that we are not the heroes of our stories." I can not solve the world's problems, nor Uganda's, but my heart will be forever wrecked for the children of Rafiki Africa Ministries, and for all the other abandoned children of the world.

Just as the Father loves me, and you, and these children; I will forever have them in my heart. And I guess I now know what people were warning me about, the heart-breaking, heart-wrenching literal good-bye, but also the figurative good-bye to life as it was before.

　

　

　

Nearing the end...

The kids are right now watching a movie, it's Friday so it's movie night, and since today things were as they usually are, it doesn't quite feel like I'm leaving at noon tomorrow. I still had them working hard on their Bible verse and doing activities this afternoon, and I just did some redecorating of their hallways to change up some of the children's work. I've redone their bulletin boards and added/changed a lot to what was hanging, and in a few months it will all be redone again by another missionary.

When Fauziya fell on me telling me not to go and then Annet got in my lap to tell me she missed Auntie Jo and didn't want me to go to America, I feel sad again about being another one that leaves them. I wish I could just bring them all home with me!

I just re-looked briefly at all my photos of the kids, I have over 700 of the kids alone, and then another 1,500 of Uganda, my safari, and other ministry opportunities. So here are a few more cute ones of the precious faces I'm leaving behind in the morning.

Please pray for me as I travel to DuBai for a pit stop to visit a college girlfriend and then continue my journey to NY on Monday. Pray not only for my safety, but for the kids and staff as I leave, and for my heart as I say good-bye.

I'll let you know I've arrived home safely. Thanks for being with me on this journey!!

Learned & Learning

What I've learned:

1. How to be thankful, for basic things in particular.

2. That I am extremely blessed. Not only with money and material things, but with gifts and talents, and supportive, loving friends and family.

3. That the Bible is a great resource to combat issues, understand how others have triumphed through difficulties, and how God wants me to live. This is an ongoing learning experience, that began before my arrival but that I was very aware of during my time here.

4. Several Lugandan words (I spelled them the way they sound to me, not necessarily properly):

Sidika - quiet Sidika wo - hush Moi Sidike - shut up

Abaana - children Owanji - Yes Nada - no

Abawala - girls Abalunghi - boys Kalle - you're welcome

Tulle - sit down Weballe - Thank you Jinde - I am fine

Mele - Food Jangu - come Vaio - go

5. That I function on a very high level and my switch is turned on all the time; I'm always aware of my surroundings and environment, but most people are not.

6. That I have an ability to teach and direct others.

7. That kids grow up way too fast, and sometimes too soon, and that spending quality time with them is essential.

8. That we all could use some psychotherapy, or at least a best friend that tells you when you're wrong, listens well, and offers good advice.

9. That I am thankful to live in a place that has mixed cultures, races and languages, because here I stick out way too much.

10. How to drive on the wrong side of the car and the wrong side of the road.


What I still need to work on:

1. Patience.

2. Focusing on my own work and not getting frustrated with others' lack of work ethic.

3. Finding peace and quiet time for myself (although I did this to some extent every day, Auntie Jo still thinks I need more "me" time).

4. Being gentle when instructing others.

5. That other people can do the work too, it might not be to my standards, or the way I do it, but that is ok. 11.29.12

Clothes, Shopping & Congo

Another blog of randomness...

Today was my last day off, I did laundry, went grocery shopping, cleaned, organized and started packing. Many of my clothes are ruined from the crappy washing machine and intense African sun, so some of them I am merely returning with because I want to use them to cushion the gifts I'm bringing home, and then to the trash they go. Some of my clothes are staying here simply because I can spare them and some of the staff members would like them. Since I also brought an entire suitcase full of donations and activity folders, I can fit one suitcase inside the other and only have to return with a carry-on and one suitcase! I am quite a light packer, although from previous blogs you can see that 9 outfits was a bit extreme, I'm so sick of my clothes!!!

We took two of the kids grocery shopping with us today, it's an extra treat when they are on holiday. Sometimes I am concerned that these kids live sheltered lives, they hardly get out, especially the littlest ones who don't go to school. When I am out on a walk it is very typical for me to see a four year old walking by himself with a little jerry can for water, but our kids don't know how to walk by themselves to school. It's certainly one of my suggestions on their evaluation: when running local errands always take a kid along to help them observe their environment and learn by seeing.

I was reading today about the atrocities in Congo, do you know that over 1,000 women are raped every day in DRC?! In my facebook post I shared the link (which I never do, besides to my blog) with a comment that maybe it's because I'm only a few hours from these atrocitities, or maybe because they are so egregious, but I am so flabbergasted that CNN and BBC aren't broadcasting about this from every media angle possible because the Congolese deserve as much attention as Syria and Gaza.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/11/27/opinion/congo-war-ignored-vava-tampa/index.html?fb_action_ids=10151327469756096&fb_action_types=og.recommends&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

Walking & Righteousness

I went for a walk with 6 of the kids today in pairs, 3 walks, so I got my exercise in. It was fun to spend some (somewhat) individualized time with them. I geared each length of walk and our discussions based on the age group. With Joshua and Joel, the oldest kids, it was certainly the longest walk and along the busiest route and we talked about school, how to walk properly and about me going back to America. When I went out with Annet and Cocus, kids in the middle, I told them they could hold my hand, but they didn't have to, as long as they walked with me and followed any commands on the busier roads, Cocus always wants to hold my hand. We talked about bricks and how not to react when they smell something horrible, we went past a feed market, but I don't want them reacting like they did if someone is smelling badly. Then after rest time Emma, Carol and I headed out, unfortunately we stopped at one point and Emma was standing in the middle of those terrible biting ants I blogged about on my safari, I had to pull his pants down and take them out of his underwear, suprisingly he didn't cry, and he walked the entire time, he's really growing up!!

And then I got through working on using scissors properly with 7 of them; the funniest thing was that Esther could not cut wihtout sticking her tongue out! I felt successful in really spending quality time with the kids. I'm trying hard not to punish them so that it is all happy time, but Joel was struggling in a lot of ways today with not only making bad choices but lying about it, so he definitely got served some time-outs. I guess I wouldn't be the kind of parent to spoil my child and let them get away with everything, that's good to know about myself!

Here's a great quote from my Bible about righteousness that I love, but for some reason haven't shared yet: "Righteous things do not earn us acceptance by God, rather they are a natural response from people who have experienced God's forgiveness and love."

I feel like 3 months of blog-writing is starting to catch up to me, sorry if the content is boring. Don't worry only a few days left, hang in there, there's bound to be a fruitful one about all I've learned, or how I've grown, or something like that. 11.27.12

 

Teary-eyed

Oh man, it's really starting to feel like I'm coming to the end of my trip. Leaving America wasn't this hard and I think it was because I knew I'd be back in 3 months. If you recall before I left it didn't even hit me that I was leaving until a few days before I left, and now here I am having known it for a while and with a few days left I'm really feeling it, cherising the moments.

Today was our last day of serving at A Perfect Injustice, the street ministry. After all our lessons, activities and devotions were over, just before blessing their meal we told the boys it was our last week. I spoke on behalf of the three of us girls saying that serving there was our favorite ministry opportunity and it's because we love the boys so much (needless to say they were excited to hear that). They had a boy serve as their spokesman thanking us for everything and then one boy prayed for our journey; it was really sweet and touching, and made me aware that when I say/said good-bye it might be forever. Many of the boys hugged us good-bye, and I considered that a really big step for them; we had always been warned that many of them don't touch because of fear or things from their past, so this was especially heart-warming. I got teary-eyed saying good-bye.

The other night Don got me teary-eyed too. Since I had the kids make a picture for Auntie Jo and Auntie Cassady to make a book, and they did something similar for me, the kids know we are leaving soon. So the other night when I asked the boys for prayer requests Don asked to pray for the three of us, and coming from a 4 year old that has the attention span of a fly I was amazed that it even registered to him.

We had a camp-out last night (aka we built a fire and did devotions outside while eating their version of s'mores: butter cookies, chocolate syrup and a marshmallow) and that is another sign of someone's visit coming to an end. I'm doing everything I can to hold on to the precious moments, like holding each child individually and praying with them, doing their first puzzle with them, learning new games, and going for walks.

I know that I have impacted their lives and I'm so thankful for being able to know it. Not only have I changed them through potty-training and learning how to tell time, or identify letters and numbers, but through all my activities, games, play-time opportunities, the love I have given them, and the Bible stories and verses I have taught them. I am so grateful to have a servant's heart, for having heeded the call and travelled here, for loving on my abaana's and having felt their love in return. 11.26.12