Dubai & Home sweet home

I arrived home yesterday afternoon after a 14 hour flight and headed straight to Times Square for dinner with my family and Oscar.

In mid-flight I wrote this:

I'm actually starting to freak out about heading home, not a good thing to do when you're by yourself on a 14 hour flight. Since leaving Uganda I can't seem to stop myself from looking at pictures of the kids, which precipitates tears, because I should have been there when they woke up this morning, I should be planning activities for them this afternoon and playing with them right now. Living there really became 'normal' life for me. It wasn't a vacation, nor a quick volunteer experience, it was every day of my life for 3 months.

Two things are not helping my emotional state (besides the fact that I've slept maybe 9 hours in the past two nights combined):

1. Reading Wrecked is actually making me realize that I've gone on this trip, I've left my comfort zone and I don't know if going back to my old job, my old house, my old everything is going to work for me. And if it doesn't work for me, then I don't have any clue what my alternative is. Or was this just a 3 month repasse from my life because I knew there was more than 9 to 5 and wanted to seek some adventure, some sense of purpose, but I sought it, found it and will go back to my 9 to 5 to continue on. Or, if I want my life to mean something, if I want to do all I can to help others, then how can I even go back to life as it was.

2. I clicked on the favorites on the headset in front of me and the only song selected as a favorite by a previous passenger is Amazing Grace. Not only is it a beautiful song full of meaningful lyrics, but it's the song I sing to the kids every night at bedtime.

I was distracted in Dubai by my dear friend and her new baby, but that distraction is gone and my reality has set in. I am going home; but what am I going to make of it, how am I going to use this trip to change my regular 9 to 5 experience...time will only tell.

Thanks for joining me in the last 3 months of my life. It's been quite an adventure.
If you are interested in having me discuss my mission experience at your church, please email me at Laurabev@aol.com and I'd be happy to set something up in the coming weeks.

Many blessings to you and yours this Christmas season.

　

Saying good-bye & getting wrecked

After a fitful night of sleep I awoke before 7 to finish packing my bags and make sure I was ready for the day. I took a walk to buy eggs one last time for the children's breakfast and came back to help ready them for the day. I still helped with breakfast and cleaning as I usually do and kept things normal. But at 11 I asked Auntie Cassady to take a few photos and then I had a treat for everyone.

Two weeks ago I took all the toilet paper rolls I had been saving and decorated them with colorful sharpie markers: flowers for the girls, big circles for the boys and stars for the staff. Then I wrote each person a letter and rolled it up inside the t.p. roll; something I love about them, something they should keep working on, and how much I love them. I stuffed a chocolate and some hard candy inside and then wrapped it in wrapping paper and tied the ends so it looked like a candy; my last sweeties for them.

The tears began as I read Annet what I wrote for her. Luckily I quickly recovered from crying, Annet has been super emotional over not being visited by any family members and then from Auntie Jo leaving the other night, I didn't want to precipitate any more tears. Then after the excitement of the sweeties, they all stretched out their hands and Annet prayed for me and my journey and then Auntie Esther elaborated, and I had a few more tears. Auntie Monica had many tears, and beautiful words for me that Auntie Sarah translated. Then dear Annet began to bawl, then Oscar started in and finally Cocus. Annet was still crying as I left, poor baby girl (and that is my nickname for her, 'baby girl').

The whole good-bye process took an hour. And at 12:10 it was time to go. The van didn't start, the battery was dead; 'God are you telling me to stay?', I thought. But quickly we got it jumped and again, it was good-bye. The traffic was horrific, it took us 40 minutes to go 6 km and again I thought, 'God are you telling me to stay?'. But with only a few minutes to spare I made it through all security measures and boarded the plane immediately.

Maybe I'll be back one day.

On my way home I'm reading Wrecked again, as I did on my way to Uganda. Although I'm grateful to hear the words that I've done so much, I think about the babies at Sanyu that still don't have a mommy to love them, to our children at Rafiki who only have aunties and uncles, to the street kids who mostly will remain that way. Wrecked says, "In a world that refuses to be healed, we must face the fact that we are not the heroes of our stories." I can not solve the world's problems, nor Uganda's, but my heart will be forever wrecked for the children of Rafiki Africa Ministries, and for all the other abandoned children of the world.

Just as the Father loves me, and you, and these children; I will forever have them in my heart. And I guess I now know what people were warning me about, the heart-breaking, heart-wrenching literal good-bye, but also the figurative good-bye to life as it was before.