My one year anniversary

Today marks one year since I first stepped foot on African soil, one year since I heard children screaming "Auntie Laura is here, Auntie Laura is here!". I will never forget the sounds of those sweet voices, or forget swooping Carol up in my arms for the first time, never forget the scene of them praising God that first night with old familiar songs and brand new ones, English ones and ones in Luganda.

One year, and time, as always, has fleeted too fast.

What has happened since I left? What has changed in me since I've been home? Well here are a few things:
1. I learned how to pray. I wasn't praying correctly before. (I might get a lecture from a pastor or Sunday School teacher for saying this, but hear me out, I know I've always been taught there is no right way to pray!) I learned that when I pray for God's will, for things that are less "God, please do this for me" and instead pray, "God, I wish for your will to be done in this situation" I walk away more satisfied. I might be praying for a friends' father who is on his death bed and my prayer isn't "Father please save him", it's "Father, I ask that you provide him with compassionate nurses and competent doctors, you give him peace and comfort and that Father, if it is your will, that you take him into your arms, and be with those that are left grieving". So much harder to do, because you want healing and recovery, but in the end, it's not my will, or your will, it's His will! And whatever the outcome, I get an answer to my prayer!
2. I've become disciplined in tithing. I used to give something around 5%, but never anything consistent and if I was running low I gave less, but now, after seeing the faithfulness of those with nothing always giving, and giving cheerfully, I have disciplined myself to give 10%, and sometimes above and beyond in various ways.
3. I've learned how to constantly be in His word. I wake up and do a devotion and greet the Lord with a smile and thankful heart. Mid-day I check out my Holy Bible app and read my verse of the day and then perhaps some more. And every night before bed I read a chapter of the Bible, I'm getting close to the end of Psalms now. And I've recently started reading it with my boyfriend because we need to spend more time in the word together.
4. I've learned deep in my soul that if you do what He asks you to do you are making Him so happy that He will bless your life immensely! I came back broke from Africa and yet was able to save enough money to buy my first house this year! I was able to experience the miracle of birth by seeing my little, most adorable nephew enter this world. Since asking my boss for 3 months off to go to Africa I've received a promotion and about $10K in raises because of my dedication and performance.
5. I am slowly, but steadily, learning patience. I am learning be slow to speak and slow to anger. I'm not reacting so impulsively and defensively but allowing things to sink in and for my feelings to be processed before making any moves.
6. I am constantly fostering the importance of service and love in my life and I'm continuing to teach it to as many people as I can, because Jesus was the ultimate servant and who wouldn't want to be like him?! Almost every week since New Year's I made a resolution to write an email or mail a card to someone I'm thankful for or someone that needs an encouraging word. This type of ministry can be done by anyone at any time regardless of faith, because amidst all the talk of Syria and broken homes and murderers and the like, we all need some more encouragement to do good and to keep on keeping on.
7. I've come to realize that my music preference has changed. I still love some good old school hip-hop, but my I-pod tells me my most played music is something by Hillsong United or Jesus Culture. I spend more time listening to the Praise station or the Message than I do old school or reggae.

One year later, changed, but still the same me, just a better version of me, all cause He loves me that much and all cause I said, "Yes, I'll heed your call and fly across the world to serve in Your name!".

Blessings & Vision

Its been almost 5 months since I've left the beautiful country of Uganda, since I've left 12 beautiful orphaned faces, and thousands of people who struggle every day for the simple provisions of life that I have been blessed with in my life here in America. A loving family, a home, an abundance of food and clean water, supportive and loving friends, a warm shower, a free education, an ability to praise my God freely, furnishings and clothing. I am truly blessed.
This past week I was reminded of the joy to feel a warm, pressurized shower, one that I didn't have for 3 months in Uganda, albeit, they did try to provide one. And then this afternoon in the warmth of the sun I stood in awe of the beauty of God's creation, in the budding hope of spring flowers and musical birds. I am truly blessed.
I've considered writing more in my blog from time to time, will anyone read it? Does it matter if anyone does? No. So I write just the same to remind myself of my blessings and to contemplate again why God called me to Africa, and to be reminded of my purpose.
Last night as I spoke with a friend I was once again so astounded by the ease of my life and how that is a blessing. I haven't struggled the way so many others do, from abusive relationships to struggles of addiction, from depression to loneliness. It's not that their haven't been any struggles, it's that there have been so many moments that mask those struggles that I can easily forget, or forgive. It is easy for me not to dwell on the difficult moments because I can see the beauty of the world and want to quench it's peoples' needs.
I have been contemplating all this in search of my Chazown, the Hebrew word for God's vision for my life. I wonder how did my journey to Africa support this vision? As I've stated before I am a bulldozer when it comes to tasks and getting things done, but God has made me compassionate for people, and so I make sure not to bulldoze people, or at least try my hardest not to. Everyone has their story and their story matters, and everyone wants their story to be heard. As I contemplate the potential of transforming a ministry I lead into a non-profit and potentially a CDC (perhaps my Chazown), I know that Africa helped me realize the tenderness of people, the sensitivity of people's hearts and the need to help others find their path, even if it's only serving a hot meal, or listening to them share their story.
In Proverbs 16:9 it says "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.". Between heeding the call to Africa and the months since I've returned I've been challenged through great sermons and good book selections to embrace God's vision for my life and to move ahead with faith and courage. Love Faith Build, Laura Faith Beverley, is ready to embrace the next step.

Dubai & Home sweet home

I arrived home yesterday afternoon after a 14 hour flight and headed straight to Times Square for dinner with my family and Oscar.

In mid-flight I wrote this:

I'm actually starting to freak out about heading home, not a good thing to do when you're by yourself on a 14 hour flight. Since leaving Uganda I can't seem to stop myself from looking at pictures of the kids, which precipitates tears, because I should have been there when they woke up this morning, I should be planning activities for them this afternoon and playing with them right now. Living there really became 'normal' life for me. It wasn't a vacation, nor a quick volunteer experience, it was every day of my life for 3 months.

Two things are not helping my emotional state (besides the fact that I've slept maybe 9 hours in the past two nights combined):

1. Reading Wrecked is actually making me realize that I've gone on this trip, I've left my comfort zone and I don't know if going back to my old job, my old house, my old everything is going to work for me. And if it doesn't work for me, then I don't have any clue what my alternative is. Or was this just a 3 month repasse from my life because I knew there was more than 9 to 5 and wanted to seek some adventure, some sense of purpose, but I sought it, found it and will go back to my 9 to 5 to continue on. Or, if I want my life to mean something, if I want to do all I can to help others, then how can I even go back to life as it was.

2. I clicked on the favorites on the headset in front of me and the only song selected as a favorite by a previous passenger is Amazing Grace. Not only is it a beautiful song full of meaningful lyrics, but it's the song I sing to the kids every night at bedtime.

I was distracted in Dubai by my dear friend and her new baby, but that distraction is gone and my reality has set in. I am going home; but what am I going to make of it, how am I going to use this trip to change my regular 9 to 5 experience...time will only tell.

Thanks for joining me in the last 3 months of my life. It's been quite an adventure.
If you are interested in having me discuss my mission experience at your church, please email me at Laurabev@aol.com and I'd be happy to set something up in the coming weeks.

Many blessings to you and yours this Christmas season.

　

Saying good-bye & getting wrecked

After a fitful night of sleep I awoke before 7 to finish packing my bags and make sure I was ready for the day. I took a walk to buy eggs one last time for the children's breakfast and came back to help ready them for the day. I still helped with breakfast and cleaning as I usually do and kept things normal. But at 11 I asked Auntie Cassady to take a few photos and then I had a treat for everyone.

Two weeks ago I took all the toilet paper rolls I had been saving and decorated them with colorful sharpie markers: flowers for the girls, big circles for the boys and stars for the staff. Then I wrote each person a letter and rolled it up inside the t.p. roll; something I love about them, something they should keep working on, and how much I love them. I stuffed a chocolate and some hard candy inside and then wrapped it in wrapping paper and tied the ends so it looked like a candy; my last sweeties for them.

The tears began as I read Annet what I wrote for her. Luckily I quickly recovered from crying, Annet has been super emotional over not being visited by any family members and then from Auntie Jo leaving the other night, I didn't want to precipitate any more tears. Then after the excitement of the sweeties, they all stretched out their hands and Annet prayed for me and my journey and then Auntie Esther elaborated, and I had a few more tears. Auntie Monica had many tears, and beautiful words for me that Auntie Sarah translated. Then dear Annet began to bawl, then Oscar started in and finally Cocus. Annet was still crying as I left, poor baby girl (and that is my nickname for her, 'baby girl').

The whole good-bye process took an hour. And at 12:10 it was time to go. The van didn't start, the battery was dead; 'God are you telling me to stay?', I thought. But quickly we got it jumped and again, it was good-bye. The traffic was horrific, it took us 40 minutes to go 6 km and again I thought, 'God are you telling me to stay?'. But with only a few minutes to spare I made it through all security measures and boarded the plane immediately.

Maybe I'll be back one day.

On my way home I'm reading Wrecked again, as I did on my way to Uganda. Although I'm grateful to hear the words that I've done so much, I think about the babies at Sanyu that still don't have a mommy to love them, to our children at Rafiki who only have aunties and uncles, to the street kids who mostly will remain that way. Wrecked says, "In a world that refuses to be healed, we must face the fact that we are not the heroes of our stories." I can not solve the world's problems, nor Uganda's, but my heart will be forever wrecked for the children of Rafiki Africa Ministries, and for all the other abandoned children of the world.

Just as the Father loves me, and you, and these children; I will forever have them in my heart. And I guess I now know what people were warning me about, the heart-breaking, heart-wrenching literal good-bye, but also the figurative good-bye to life as it was before.

　

　

　

Nearing the end...

The kids are right now watching a movie, it's Friday so it's movie night, and since today things were as they usually are, it doesn't quite feel like I'm leaving at noon tomorrow. I still had them working hard on their Bible verse and doing activities this afternoon, and I just did some redecorating of their hallways to change up some of the children's work. I've redone their bulletin boards and added/changed a lot to what was hanging, and in a few months it will all be redone again by another missionary.

When Fauziya fell on me telling me not to go and then Annet got in my lap to tell me she missed Auntie Jo and didn't want me to go to America, I feel sad again about being another one that leaves them. I wish I could just bring them all home with me!

I just re-looked briefly at all my photos of the kids, I have over 700 of the kids alone, and then another 1,500 of Uganda, my safari, and other ministry opportunities. So here are a few more cute ones of the precious faces I'm leaving behind in the morning.

Please pray for me as I travel to DuBai for a pit stop to visit a college girlfriend and then continue my journey to NY on Monday. Pray not only for my safety, but for the kids and staff as I leave, and for my heart as I say good-bye.

I'll let you know I've arrived home safely. Thanks for being with me on this journey!!

Learned & Learning

What I've learned:

1. How to be thankful, for basic things in particular.

2. That I am extremely blessed. Not only with money and material things, but with gifts and talents, and supportive, loving friends and family.

3. That the Bible is a great resource to combat issues, understand how others have triumphed through difficulties, and how God wants me to live. This is an ongoing learning experience, that began before my arrival but that I was very aware of during my time here.

4. Several Lugandan words (I spelled them the way they sound to me, not necessarily properly):

Sidika - quiet Sidika wo - hush Moi Sidike - shut up

Abaana - children Owanji - Yes Nada - no

Abawala - girls Abalunghi - boys Kalle - you're welcome

Tulle - sit down Weballe - Thank you Jinde - I am fine

Mele - Food Jangu - come Vaio - go

5. That I function on a very high level and my switch is turned on all the time; I'm always aware of my surroundings and environment, but most people are not.

6. That I have an ability to teach and direct others.

7. That kids grow up way too fast, and sometimes too soon, and that spending quality time with them is essential.

8. That we all could use some psychotherapy, or at least a best friend that tells you when you're wrong, listens well, and offers good advice.

9. That I am thankful to live in a place that has mixed cultures, races and languages, because here I stick out way too much.

10. How to drive on the wrong side of the car and the wrong side of the road.


What I still need to work on:

1. Patience.

2. Focusing on my own work and not getting frustrated with others' lack of work ethic.

3. Finding peace and quiet time for myself (although I did this to some extent every day, Auntie Jo still thinks I need more "me" time).

4. Being gentle when instructing others.

5. That other people can do the work too, it might not be to my standards, or the way I do it, but that is ok. 11.29.12

Clothes, Shopping & Congo

Another blog of randomness...

Today was my last day off, I did laundry, went grocery shopping, cleaned, organized and started packing. Many of my clothes are ruined from the crappy washing machine and intense African sun, so some of them I am merely returning with because I want to use them to cushion the gifts I'm bringing home, and then to the trash they go. Some of my clothes are staying here simply because I can spare them and some of the staff members would like them. Since I also brought an entire suitcase full of donations and activity folders, I can fit one suitcase inside the other and only have to return with a carry-on and one suitcase! I am quite a light packer, although from previous blogs you can see that 9 outfits was a bit extreme, I'm so sick of my clothes!!!

We took two of the kids grocery shopping with us today, it's an extra treat when they are on holiday. Sometimes I am concerned that these kids live sheltered lives, they hardly get out, especially the littlest ones who don't go to school. When I am out on a walk it is very typical for me to see a four year old walking by himself with a little jerry can for water, but our kids don't know how to walk by themselves to school. It's certainly one of my suggestions on their evaluation: when running local errands always take a kid along to help them observe their environment and learn by seeing.

I was reading today about the atrocities in Congo, do you know that over 1,000 women are raped every day in DRC?! In my facebook post I shared the link (which I never do, besides to my blog) with a comment that maybe it's because I'm only a few hours from these atrocitities, or maybe because they are so egregious, but I am so flabbergasted that CNN and BBC aren't broadcasting about this from every media angle possible because the Congolese deserve as much attention as Syria and Gaza.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/11/27/opinion/congo-war-ignored-vava-tampa/index.html?fb_action_ids=10151327469756096&fb_action_types=og.recommends&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582