Not my best side

Every few months, maybe even more frequent than that, I get so annoyed with other people's incompetencies. And today is one of those days (ok, maybe it's one of those weeks, or maybe I'm coming to the end of a three month journey that has been challenging in many ways and I'm seeing the home stretch and want to be at the end). It's not that I think I'm better and get everything right all the time, but I try my absolute hardest in everything I do and I wish other people had that same drive; we're serving in the name of the Lord, shouldn't we all have the drive (different person than I was having difficulty with a few weeks ago, he's working really hard!)? This is helping me see that it clearly is my issue/gripe/grievance, and something that I really need to understand, and change about myself.

My dad taught me this phrase a long time ago (beware of a curse word), 'illegitimi non corborundum' it means 'don't let the bastards grind you down'; I have it posted (the latin version) on my wall at work and every time I get annoyed I look at it and smile a little smile. Side note: the other day I suggested that it was my 'corporate world' experience that makes my drivenness so annoying to others here, or vise versa, but hello, I have the same problem at home! What is a girl to do? (Seriously, any suggestions Laurabev@aol.com?)

But I'm trying to combat my annoyance with what I recently read in Colossians 'Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts'. And I just sit there and repeat it to prevent myself from overflowing at someone with anger. It probably in general coincides with a time when I am feeling exhausted, not so much tired, but more burnt out, like I'm overloading myself doing my job and a few axtra assignments and its more than I can bear. I need to stop, subconciously, comparing myself to others when it comes to levels of productivity, focus solely on what I do and perhaps say 'no' to something every once in a while (easier said than done). (Does it bother you how much I love parenthesis?)

I think of that 20/80 rule, where 20% of the people do 80% of the work, this is particularly so in churches. Ever notice you see the same faces at all the events working from set-up to break down, or see the same names on the volunteer list to bring food to the sick? This is the principle I'm struggling with.

Self-observation: in being astute and constantly striving, sometimes I do more harm than good. Case-in-point: After cleaning the pantry this weekend I noticed many extras of items and since tomorrow is shopping, and knowing we've been slightly over budget the past several weeks, I thought I'd tell the administrator of a few items I don't think we need to buy. Which in turn led to the cook, sweet Auntie Monica, getting yelled at for the excess (when I somewhat think it is the person who is doing the purchasing's responsibility as much as the cook's to know what we need)...Totally not my intent to get her yelled at, just me doing more harm than good.

Ugh, frustrated, despite still trying to let peace rule in my heart, or trying to keep the bastards at bay, you choose. And yet, thankful that I can acknowledge my weaknesses and hope for growth. 11.20.12